I moved for school this past August; away from my friend and kind of boyfriend. I really liked him, but our relationship was too fast, and too short. I didn’t love him yet, but I felt like I could have had we kept seeing each other. He was my first, and it was kind of the best and worst decision I had made. It was right before I moved for school. We were bored and alone watching scary movies on his couch. I jumped at a scary part, and he laughed at me and held my hand. I cuddled into his chest and he held my body tighter. Then he kissed me deeply. His hands trailed my body and touched me in ways that sent those painful and pleasurable knots in my stomach. He asked permission to do everything; touching here, pulling my shirt off, kissing here. And I let him. I knew I was going to move, and so maybe that’s why I’d let him before I’d fell in love when I’d promised myself I wouldn’t  He made me feel wanted and beautiful, when my esteem had been low before that night. I miss that night and I often go back to it when my mind is not engaged in other things. I miss his touch and how I felt like our bodies and lips fit well together. The only reason I want to take that night back is because here I don’t have him or his touch. He’s an ocean away.

Anonymous asked: What was it like, your first time? Did it hurt? If so, could you compare the pain to anything else?

It hurt, but I didn’t cry (not even nearly). It was just really uncomfortable, I’d say. I couldn’t compare it to anything else. But, so you know, everyone’s first time is different depending on multiple different factors. My best friend’s first time didn’t hurt at all, while another friend’s first time was so painful they had to stop. Everyone’s different!

my first kisses…

so i haven’t had sex so i can’t submit a first time story. but i have other funny stories. i have kissed four guys in my life, but i only count three. and every single story is laughable. my first kiss was when i was six. which is why i don’t count it as my first kiss. but it happened with this guy with nasty hair in his closet… inside a dog kennel. my second kiss was when i was sixteen. i had stayed up with this guy i liked until six in the morning talking on his couch. we both liked each other and were teasing about kissing but i didn’t think it would happen. i leaned over on the other side of the couch and i guess i kind of dozed off but he didn’t know it. so i was asleep and i woke up with his lips sucking like half mouth and half cheek. it was terrible. third kiss was after a homecoming dance in the back of my second kiss’s mom’s minivan. fourth kiss was with my current boyfriend of a year and a half. we were watching dumb and dumber. it was ok. 

i just thought i would share those because they’re all super awkward!

Anonymous asked: I don't know you in real life, I found your blog through a link a while ago, I'm from Canada! I'll miss 'following' your blog, it was one of my favorites! I get the feeling uncomfortable part, I wish there was a way to prove that I didn't know you, but I can't think of one!

Get a blog. That’s all I can tell you and all the people who secretly watch my blog.

Anonymous asked: Liz, I don't have a tumblr and I don't know your new url, I don't know how to find you :(

I changed my url so people would stop stalking my blog who live in my town that I don’t know about. It made me uncomfortable. And clearly that’s the only reason you would know about me and my blog without having a blog (through knowing me in real life). So clearly I did the right thing.

You tore me apart.

My first time was with the only person I could’ve ever imagine it happening with. I’ve loved him for two years now. I went to a graduation party over the weekend & he was there. He flirted with me just like he always did when we were together. We left the party at 1 & parked his car outside my friends house. I was scared, but he made me feel good about myself. He promised me he would never hurt me & that after tonight this wouldn’t be the last of us. He begged me to trust him, so I did. He made me tons of promises & gave me his word & I honestly believed in him. He’s been my first everything. The next day he called me & even talked to my mom & told her he was gonna come to my house & meet my parents so we could hang out. He made the happiest I had been in so long. But then we didn’t talk for four days & it worried me a little. But then I saw him a week later & he wouldn’t even talk to me. He promised me that this wouldn’t happen & it did. I am completely heart broken. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can barely function. I don’t regret it because I really love him but it’s hurts so bad to know everything he said, he didn’t mean. I’d give anything for this to be a dream. So many people warned me about him, but I followed my heart & now it’s shattered on the ground. I wish he meant what he said.

I still remember him..

I remember the first time i fell in love. I was with my best friend at her little brothers basketball game, we were a little bit early so the game before was still going on. We both saw this kid, i didn’t really notice him at first. We sat down on the bleachers but i couldn’t keep my eyes off of him. I didn’t even know his name but she did. He was wearing a sweatshirt with his last name on the back. My bestfriend was like ” Go for him!” “He’s so cute and I keep seeing you stare at him.” I’m not gonna lie i was staring at him. After the game i want home and messaged him on Facebook. I lied and said i had to get off so i had an excuse to give him my number. I guess you could say that i fell in the love the first time i saw him. We hung out a lot, and on April 23,2011 we started dating. One day before our one month, he cheated on me. I was so upset. But even after we broke up, we continued to hang out. I fell deeper in love with this kid. We tallked all summer and into my freshman year. He started to change a lot. He became rude and mean and it hurt alot. I miss him every day. If i was ever given the chance to get back with him, i would in a heart beat. I know that there is to much hurt,pain and anger for us to ever be together again. I always told him that he would have a piece of my heart, and to this day, a year later, i still mean it. I love him with all my heart and i never will get the chance to tell him again.

So yesterday I spent the day with my kind-of boyfriend. In the morning he taught me how to make an apple bong, we smoked, and got really high haha. then we went back to his house, made rootbeer floats together, and started watching a movie in his loft. When the movie was over (and the high had worn off), we started making out, and it was getting really intense. Then his mom yelled up that the rest of the family was leaving to go somewhere. As soon as they left, all I said was “I want to” and he went to get the condom. He asked a million times if I was ready, which I was, and it was perfect. I was soso scared, but he knew what he was doing, and he went really slowly and made sure I was calm and okay every second. It hurt a lotttt and took soo many tries (I actually had to take breaks haha), and literally took us 2 or 3 hours to get it right, but I couldn’t have asked for a better first time. It was awkward yet fun yet I felt so completely comfortable. And after, we made a fort with blankets and pillows and couches and cuddled :)